I will never give up on love, the hope of that conquest energizes me with a new high that shatters my equilibria and turns my world topsy-turvy with the possibility this might the one. I have always believed I will find true love, mainly and honestly, because I’m not that picky.
I have always, since I reached puberty, been slutshamed for my enthusiasm at finding love. It is not that I was particularly sexual, if anything I was the aloof Black nerd with my head stuck in a book, not in someone’s crotch. But, if I was attracted to someone, I would obsess and analyze and hope. The boy next door. The youth pastor in church. The guy who walks his Lab in the park at 6pm every day. The barista at Starbucks studying at university with those irresistible eyes and that sad smile. The landlord. That heroic single dad. Your 40 something professor with the motorcycle and disheveled jeans. The guy on Plenty of Fish with a strong, charming game.
I am focusing solely on Black love, on finding a Black man in the same naïve way I have loved and hoped for love. Because it really shouldn’t be that complicated. There should be no harsher criticisms, no down low police checks, no double standards. If anything, if a Black man is up and coming and not quite there yet, with you by his side, what a powerful testament to the strength of Black love if you both persevered together. And vice versa. I’m tired of dipping my hands in the vanilla and butterscotch cookie jar, because it’s not satisfying me. I want a dark chocolate cookie.
And, Black man, I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. But we have potential, untapped potential, for greatness that will never be realized or come to fruition if we are hostile towards each other and do not do the work to have dialogue and trust with each other. Black man, I’m proud of you because I know what you have been through and I see what you are capable of. I’m working on respecting you, on loving you. I say with great conviction, there is none more natural than a Black woman for a Black man. I won’t stop until I find you.